Why am I still in school?!

I am going to try to blog more...so...here is my next blog.

Today I had an complete 180 degree attitude change....before I talk about that let me give you some background information.

This entire week I have been struggling with my class. Basically the kids have been annoying the crap out of me. I feel myself tense up whenever they walk into the room and remain annoyed and stressed all day. As a result, they have been going crazy. I mean, they are not listening to ANYTHING. Yesterday, I looked a girl in the eye and said. Do not line up unless you have your coat on. She just kept staring....I proceeded to say it again but louder. Again, she just looked at me blankly, probably thinking I was talking to someone else. Finally I said her name and said, "Sally get your coat now!" Now normally I am not that onery, but the fact that this seems to have been going on all week, I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I found myself taking deep breaths down the hall, and got them through the lunch line miraculously. As I was about to leave for a heavenly 1/2 hour, where I planned on laying on the ground and trying to get my heart rate down, when the secretary comes on the loud speaker and proceeded to ruin life as I knew it. To teachers, the absolute worst thing you could ever hear. "It is raining outside so we will now have inside recess."

Now for you non-teachers reading this, I will tell you that inside recess guarantees that there will be crazy, wild children in your room the rest of the day. Now if you work in an old, small, school like I do, where PE and lunch occur in the same space, this means you fail to eat your lunch while you walk about your classroom telling kids that this is still a classroom and not the playground. Basically you try to get them at a dull roar as they try to get any and all energy they have out of their system.

Now back to the day. As I hear Jaye over the loud speaker, tears start to well up in my eyes and I begin to almost cry as I realize I may die before the day is over. Needless to say I survived. Two glasses of wine, an hour of hard cardio, and a bubble bath later, my blood pressure was back to normal, and I thought that the next day couldnt be any worse. Then I woke up and went to work....

Again, the children walk into the room and my stress level rises. I start to think that maybe I am not cut out for this teaching thing. Although the morning was bad, it was not as bad as the day before, with no inside recess. So, I go to lunch and proceed to talk to a friend at work and my principal (the coolest boss ever) about my increased stress with teaching. I tell them how frustrated I have been and how crazy I feel like my kids have been. I basically tell them that I dont know what is going on with me, but I AM STRESSED OUT IN THE FIRST GRADE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. At first I got all the advice that I have already tried....the teaching strategies, classroom management, etc. I left lunch frustrated still, but hopeful that maybe the afternoon would be somewhat better than the hell I have been experiencing.

I did not have such luck. They kids come in, wet, complaining, arguing, crying, from recess. I have no patience. Luckily I ship them off to Art in 5 minutes. I come back in, and my principal follows me into my classroom. We talk more aobut my stress, and then about lacrosse, and ultimate. I look at the clock and realize I am 5 minutes late picking up my kids! @!#!!%^$##@!$ Lucky for me, my boss was the one who made me late and as I sprint down the hall, I cant help but smile as I hear him cracking up behind me. I dont know if that did it, or there was divine intervention from mom, my principal's conversation or what, but I had a 180. I realized that my kids are learning to write (they have been struggling), they are actually funny, they are kind, and despite everything that I have done, they still like me and want to please me more than anything. The rest of the day went without a hitch and I actually enjoyed it! I had an energy burst today and I cant wait to see what tomorrow will hold! It is crazy I know, but this sad and pathetic story does have a happy ending! Well, maybe....